Touches and Words
by Amanur
Summary: Heine x Nill... their thoughts about each other. :


**Note: I do not own any character described here!**

**There will probably be some grammar mistakes, so don't hate me for it, please, instead be helpful and tell me what is wrong, besides, like I said on my profile, English is not my original language, I just like it and want to practice it! ;) **

**I had to write some Haine x Nill!**

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**Touches and words**

"Mother Earth was cruel to me when she gave me birth…

She gave me a mouth, but I can't speak…

She gave me wings, but I can't fly…

She gave me a brain, but I can't express my thoughts.

She gave me eyes, so I can just watch everything pass by."

Since I can remember as a living being, I was always lonesome. Wandering on the dark cold streets all alone, through the vast darkness that surrounded me, just playing with my shadows... it was always like this for me.

People passed by me without even looking at me, as if I wasn't there, as if I did not exist ... and it was how I wanted to be… it was how I learned to be.

I just heard the sounds. People was telling stories, spreading ugly rumors, up to evil deeds ... woman cries of despair, children crying of hunger, men screaming profanities, horns of passing cars on hurry ... that was the world that I always lived in. The only world I knew. The gray color was everywhere in the sky day by day, when the black of the night didn't come to take away all that sadness and fill it with loneliness and cold. That is how I used to see the world.

This world is rotten and twisted, full of people and yet so lonesome for most of us.

Until one day, strangers I have never seen before wanted to take me away… So all I could do was run, run and run… run is the thing I do best. I had to learn to runaway fast. It wasn't an option. Because I never could ask for help… no one would listen to me, no one could read my eyes and thoughts, and no one would understand me. At least that was what I always believed so… until you found me.

You could read me. See trough me. Feel me. Notice me. You could hear me.

I was shocked at first to know that there was someone in this world that was able to do all those things at once, with just a single look at me ... and still could comprehend me even without words need to be said. But soon I understood then. You shared the same darkness that I have ... you walked through the same dark cold streets that I have.

You didn't take my hand. But you didn't hesitate either. You just didn't give up on me… and saved me for good.

And just like that, with your quiet and silent way of act, you gave me a new perspective about the world. Gave me hope and a home, even thou I never requested. You just took me to yourself as you was the only one that I allowed to take me.

I was so glad that you noticed me. I never wanted to say "thank you" this badly to someone.

And now we no longer need to be alone anymore… we have each other now. Even thou I know I'm just another small creature in this world and I have no powers to use. But if only I could say "thank you"…

Because I simply love the way you look at me, so tender and affectionate. I love the way you never raised your voice to me, even on your most stressful days.

I know you never came for me, but you also never pushed me away from you. So I guess that means you like me too right?

I still remember the first time I touched you… I got scare as how cold you skin was… it was almost as if you were dead… but you know what? I don't care. I don't care if you are dead or alive… all I care is that you are with me now. So whenever you are feeling cold, come to me and I'll warm you up. And rap you in my arms and never let you go.

Reaching your pale cold hand. Thou you don't speak much with words to me, I feel what you feel. I can sense your emotions. Somehow I know how desperate and fearsome that darkness that you keep inside you makes you feel.

I desperately want to whisper at your ear and tell you that I'm here. Silently watching over you.

Hey, I see some people doesn't know what to say, and I think, "what a waste" because I ALWAYS know what to say…I just can't. It's painful. I want to scream out loud to the entire world to hear me out, all I have to say. The things I saw, the secrets I shared. But once you are with me… all that will goes away… word don't need to be said, because I know you understand me. My thoughts flow smoothly in your eyes so easily that sometimes you make me speechless.

But If only I could say… "you mean the world to me".

You and I share secrets that only we know… and probably it will remain like that for ever. I'm happy, for having someone like you. I'm happy that you exist.

So please, keep by my side, because I need you more than anything… and I know you need me as well.

So please let me secretly keep embracing you at night when you're having your nightmare and calm you down… it makes me feel special… wanted… needed.

Because I like when you hold me back on your sleep. I just want to be by your side.

---

"_Isn't it weird, isn't it strange?  
Even though were just two strangers on this runaway train  
Were both trying to find a place in the sun  
We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone?  
Isn't it strange? How we all feel a little bit weird sometimes?  
Isn't it hard? Standing in the rain.  
You're on the verge of going crazy and your hearts in pain.  
No one can hear though you're screaming so loud.  
You feel all alone in a faceless crowd.  
Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes?  
Sitting on the side. Waiting for a sign. Hoping that your luck will change. Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same. When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin. So you don't stand out. And you don't fit in. Weird."_

(Lyrics by Hanson – Weird – I just realized how it fits them)

I am the same as you. A lost creature in this world.

Excluded and ignored by this messy screw up society.

When I found you there, it was such a lonely day, like all the others days I lived until then.

I was confused at first. "Why the hell did I save her" I kept asking myself over and over… I didn't knew her, but I know exactly what she feels and I wonder "why?". But the answer was right there, all the time… I knew it. You were the one. The only one that could take away my loneliness and fill in my world with feelings I have never known.

You were that little fragile creature desperately trying to shout at the world that you needed to be saved...How could I just leave you out there all by yourself?

I felt so fuck up, because I just couldn't believe that you could exist… I mean, you are the only creature that my messed up system allows me to get near, the only one that the presence makes me feel at easy and don't affects me. Makes me relax. You are the only one that my skin doesn't get a shock with a touch. The only one that can calm down this wild beast inside me. You are my medicine. Sorry, but now I became addicted to you, and I just can't let go of you. Now I know you are the only one capable to reach me. Damn… You are the only one that makes me feel good.

So I'm fine with you, because you are the same as me. In so many ways.

I have to say that I had forgotten how it feels to be touched by a girl… actually, I don't even record if such thing ever happened, how soft and warm it feels… Shit! Fine, I admit that I love when you touch me with your warm fingers reminding me that I was alive. That there is still some hope for me. I think.

Soon you become my angel. My little angel, that will always save me from my cold darkness with just a single touch of your sweet warm little fingers tips and smile upon me.

And for some really weird reason, every time you look at me… makes my blood run faster trough my veins. I guess it's because we don't need words to communicate. I know you see right through me, as I see through you. That annoys me a lot… but not enough to push you away, thou!

And just like that, with no malice I see you touch my cold pale untouched skin. I hope you grow up soon, so I can let you touch me more. In the way I really need. Because only when I'm with you I notice how lonely I am. How much I need to have you. I want hold you and love you in my arms and keep depend on you. I need to be with you until the end.

You know, it's getting colder in this dark hole where I lie. So please, keep coming to my room at night to warm me in your arms when I can't no longer bare my nightmares, and become my sweet peaceful dream with your graceful presence and smell.

Stay where you are, because I need you to be there so I can come to you because you have the comfort to calm me down. Every time you are around me, I feel like I don't want to fight.

--- End ---

I like writing it so I hope you like reading it too. :)


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